There comes this point where I have so many things going on and so many feelings I am feeling, that I can’t tell them apart. It’s like looking at a word scramble puzzle, except all the words are scrambled in one big group instead individually. Typically, this causes an overload, which then causes my body to just shut down. I am happy to say that while I do have so many things going on and so many feelings I am going through, I don’t feel like I am going to shut down. It is an amazing feeling to be confident in one’s own ability to handle things and most importantly to know where my boundaries are for saying no, and not taking on too much.
I know this last bit is going to be challenging for me, not only because of my own desire to participate and be helpful with things, but I have also started spending time with someone who likes to do ALL THE THINGS. I have to remember, that not only can I not do all of the things, but I do not HAVE to do all of the things.
With the Spring weather we have been having, I have been getting a lot of things done. Which is fantastic. I have been making sure that I get sunlight and that I go for walks. I’ve been opening my windows and cleaning. I do not think it will be long now until I am painting regularly again.
The divorce is getting closer to being a reality, which brings a lot of feelings to the surface. I was warned that some negative feelings might resurface at this point in time, and they have. However, along with them, I am also finding some more healing and forgiveness.
Being a one car family has put a lot of stress on me, especially when it often feels like one of the people using my car more than me these days, doesn’t fully understand/appreciate just how much it is putting me out to not have my car, be my car.
The Frogger is taking a more active role in the raising of the Wigglebutt, which is helping a lot. We have also started cooking together, which is fantastic. Not only are we eating healthier but we are also spending more time together.
The Poet scares the shit out of me. He says a lot of really beautiful things and also says a lot of things poetically, which I can easily see being turned into, “Well I told you this, but you chose to take it a different way than what I intended.” I do not believe he is the type of person to do that, but it has been a long harsh year with a lot of surprises of just what people are capable of, especially when I let them into my heart. I feel myself holding back with him, and I’m not sure it is fair to him, however I think I have finally learned it is fair to me.
Also, The Poet excites me to no end. He is so kind and caring. He feels with such special intensity. When I am around him, I don’t want to leave him. When he is not around, I want him to be. I also have a nice calm when we aren’t together. I know we will be soon. He isn’t going anywhere and wants to be with me just as much as I with him. It is a wonderful feeling to feel confident in someone like that.
School is good and I feel like I am doing well. I need to start writing some of my papers for Southern Literature, but the procrastination is strong with me.
Work is taking a turn for the awesome. I am really looking forward to seeing how it all develops and shapes the direction of my future.
I feel like I am breathing art more, which makes me feel more whole. Between, poetry and painting and dancing in the sunlight, I’m bringing out that parts of who I am that truly let me shine as the best me as possible.
And typing all this out, helps sort out All The Things.