When Water Is The Enemy

***WARNING***
I am going to be speaking bluntly about some issues that involve the digestive system.


I love water.  I drink a lot of water.  Room temperature.  Sometimes with a hint of flavor.  I feel picky and uncomfortable when I ask for water without ice and with lemon when I am out at a restaurant, so I don’t always do it; and when I don’t it’s truly a gamble.  There are days when I just know it is going to be bad.  Like today.  I get up like normal; get out of bed, take a drink of water, walk the dog, come back, go to the bathroom.  Except on days like today, I can feel my body rejecting the water.  It hits my stomach and I know that I have anywhere from 10-30 minutes until I am in the bathroom, in pain, wishing it would just go through my system already.  This morning, in a time span of 90 minutes, I had to go through that 6 times.  Each time painful, each time getting a little less successful in moving anything out.  Once you’re empty, you’re empty; however my body still thinks it needs to empty more.

As I am sure anyone reading this knows, diarrhea dehydrates you.  That means that I have to put more water in to make up for the water that is just going through my system.  Which means more water painfully pushing through my system.  Rinse, lather, repeat.

On top of all of that, I have an anal fissure from years of medication for pain management.  If you do not know what an anal fissure is, thank your gods.  I have been through some pain; from child birth, to bone grafts, to organ removal, and I can tell you without hesitation that an anal fissure is the worst pain I have ever experienced.

Did I mention the blood?  It comes with lots of blood.

So there is pain, blood, dehydration, and constant urgent trips to the bathroom.  But why I am sharing this?  For the same reason I talk about my depression so openly.  I find myself feeling ashamed that my body goes through all of this.  So for a long time I didn’t seek medical attention for it.  The same thing goes with depression.  People feel ashamed and don’t seek help.  So I am talking about it so other people might know they are not alone and it’s ok to ask for help.

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