Middle Ground

I live my life in shades of grey.Very rarely have I experienced anything that was black or white.  I try to carry the knowledge that there is more to any situation than I can see. It helps me empathize.  Recently I have been feeling some extremes.  “I am going to die alone.”  “No one will ever love me again.”  Things like that.  I have been talking with friends about it to help work through this dark space.  Everyone is super nice and says that of course I will find someone.  That tends to leave me going, “How can you possibly know that?”  Last night I had a friend say something a bit different to me…

I hear you. I don’t know what the future holds, but I have confidence in your ability to grow in your capacity to bend it to your liking.

This might be the most supportive, kind thing someone has said to me.

As I have been feeling these extreme things, I have been trying to figure out how to find peace with them.  The conclusion I have come to is that if I am going to be just me and need to have fun with myself.  So, here are somethings I am doing for me.

  • Eating better
  • Going to the gym
  • Doing more art
  • Drinking less alcohol
  • Getting out of my apartment
  • Going on adventures
  • Spending time with friends I don’t see nearly enough

I finally feel ready to focus on me again.

~Ceci

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